Hiya Friends,

I am so very excited to join my Sangha in-person (Eugene, OR) for a Silent Meditation Retreat later this month!!! I wanted to start to put the dates in your head so you are ready for the week off when it arrives. I will be out of town the week of August, 17, 2025.

A much younger me trying to start a meditation practice because I “should” (yoga teacher and all)
Photo Credit: Peter Konerko (amazing friend and headshot photographer in LA)

I am recalling my first silent meditation retreat I attended over 9 years ago now. I was on the phone with my brother the day before BAWLING because I was so frightened of what I might find in my head if I sat still that long. I had recently gone through divorce and had busied myself partly so as not to deal with all the emotions I felt around that. Actually, I had managed to buy myself most of my life so I didn’t have to deal with any of the discomfort I ever felt.

The funny thing is that the divorce barely even came up the whole time I was there. I spent all that time before I got there worried about something that never even happened. I had plenty of other things come up. Sitting still with all the things that did come up was hard. But there I was in a safe container that asked me to show up. So show up I did, even when I wanted to distract myself using ANY technique.

I also had a preconceived notion that I would struggle with and dislike the silence, but be just fine with the stillness (10.5 hours of meditation everyday!).

Another expectation ended up busted. I LOVED the silence. I didn't even want to start talking to people at the end of day 9 when they eased us back into verbal connection before sending us back into our regular world.

But holy shit did I struggle with stillness. At least for the first 5 days or so. And then an opening... I can't say I was suddenly comfortable in any upright position, but my body could manage without me having to constantly fidget and move as much.

Day 8 was exquisite. I started to move into this deeper space within myself. All the big emotions and catastrophic thinking seemed to subside (or at least slow down). I ended up having all these voices in my head/aspects of me play out. They were parts of me having the most amazing conversations I didn't even know I was capable of. I started enjoying time alone with myself and this was the beginning of me practicing accepting all of these different aspects of myself.

I have done quite a few silent meditation retreats since, but all of them since have been "self-run". Not in a group, not with a teacher, and not at a location outside of where I am living. So this will be my first return to doing a multi-day retreat with others that is lead by Debra Seida Martin of Zen West Eugene. She has been my teacher for over a year. I meet with the Eugene Sangha through Zoom every Thursday. While I have met with Seido 3 times here in Walla... this will be the first time I meet most of my Dharma Brothers and Sisters in-person!!!

Anyone who is about to say something along the lines of "I could never be silent/sit still/meditate for that long?" You might be surprised. I didn't have that solid of a meditation practice before I went to my first one. I am self-diagnosed ADHD. I HATED meditation (mainly because I thought I sucked at it and because I sat in judgement of my mind and was not very accepting). But something inside me wanted to experience it, to learn how to get to know myself on a deeper level. To learn to accept myself as I am. To love myself. There are other things that have helped me on that journey, but nothing so much as doing silent meditation retreats. They have been sooooooooooooooooooo amazing (super amazing AND super hard) that I want to make sure I continue to attend them in whatever form I can.

If you ever wanna talk about it or if it might be something you want to try... I would love to talk in more depth and answer questions. Also feel free to post in the comments about any experience of meditation you may have had or questions and then others can learn from that too. I would love everyone in this world to move towards contemplative practices. I think we would live in a very different world if we all did.

Anywho.... all of that is to say - we will not have class while I am out of town and there will be no new material being posted during that week. Those of you who want to do some yogurt will have to use some of the over 1,000 videos that are already up online!

We will have our regularly scheduled classes/posts for the next 2 1/2 weeks and then....

NO CLASSES: TUESDAY, AUGUST 19 - SATURDAY, AUGUST 23

CLASSES RESUME: TUESDAY, AUGUST 26

Hope to 'see' you then!

SweetPea Johnson

Doing Hard Things....